Heal so your children do not have to heal from you.

Have you ever seen one of those crazy American movies with a complicated plot where a husband constantly beats his wife and children and then cries with them, claiming to do so because he loves them?

We think to ourselves at the end of such films, "this is unbelievable!"

I believe most, if not all people have had a similar experience that exposed a very toxic behavior they were unaware they possessed.

With the help of a friend or partner, we can be able to identify our toxic traits and see how best we can work on them.

A toxic person is someone who causes pain and suffering through negative words and actions. These can be directed at other people or at themselves.

I've realized that most of the time, we don't realize how toxic we are to ourselves and those around us until someone points it out to us.

These toxic behaviors are usually the result of the various environments in which we were raised. To be able to tame these feelings, patterns, and behaviors, we must first be able to heal.

We usually overlook healing because we are so focused on the pattern of going to school, getting a job, finding a soulmate, and having a family, and that's it. However, it is always important to incorporate such stages of self-assessment into our set of goals to be aware of our feelings, hold ourselves in higher regard, and remain composed as valuable individuals.

There are some differences to be aware of, for example, in Exhibit A, a female X grew up in a family with both parents, while another was raised by a single father or mother. In Exhibit B, a male Y was raised by a single mother, while another was raised by a single father.

These various experiences are processed differently depending on the individual. For example, attending your parents' wedding or a sister's graduation. Or witnessing your parents' constant bickering or the constant scarcity of food at home. Each of these is a reality today, and it has a significant impact on an adult's personality.

Emotional healing is the ability to process all emotions of hurt, pain, and trauma that may have shaped the person you became by releasing old baggage. Understanding why your emotions and thoughts are out of control when exposed to certain environments, understanding your triggers, safe spaces, and steps to take to overcome these feelings are all part of it.

The lack of healing is why so many young people today struggle with poor communication (unable to express themselves), self-doubt, timidity, tantrums, insecurities, anger issues, low self-esteem, selfishness, self-centeredness, dependency, clinginess, etc.

The one thing that all of these conditions have in common is that they are all mental; they all work within one's mind as long as there is space to entertain it.

I confronted myself about things I considered necessary to heal from, and the following are some of the ways we can acknowledge our traumas and make efforts toward healing.

• Keep an eye out for toxic or dislikeable habits about yourself that you or others dislike; it could be your short temper, anger, or esteem.

• At this stage, self-acceptance rather than denial is beneficial. Recognize that you have that behavior and work to eliminate it.

• Keep an ear out for your triggers, which could be something someone says to you, something you see, or how someone treats you.

• Pay attention to what you feed your mind and talk yourself out of it. Each day, remind yourself why you desire to be a better person.

• Recognize that it is a process and be patient with yourself.

• You don't have to do it alone; talk to someone you trust.

• Read self-help books to help you deal with your toxic or dislikeable personality trait.

• Don't let social media persuade you that toxic is the new cool. It's pathetic.

It is important to address these issues before they reach an advanced stage of life as it can be difficult to tame them afterward. It's even worse to start a family before you've healed from old trauma and projected it onto your loved ones (children and partner).

Heal so that your children do not have to heal from you. ~ Unknown